Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I, Claudius (for Hamlet fans)

High and Mighty, King of Norway,

Hail and Long Life. Thank you for the kind expression of sympathy for my brother Hamlet's untimely demise. It was a tough blow for us all, but we're adjusting as best as we can.

Thank you also for your generous wedding gift! It was unexpected and unnecessary, but very very welcome to our household. You can never have too many rosemalled beer mugs!

The ceremony was great, thanks for asking. There was a certain amount of introspection, of course, as Hamlet's death was actually rather recent when you think about it. His son, young Hamlet, is still being a total downer about it. I mean, I guess you can't blame him in a way, but he really seems to be a completely different person - somber and sober and grumpy all the time. It's making his mother pretty upset too; honestly, I think that's what bothers me most. Still, she and I had a fantastic wedding, and I wish your health had allowed you to be there. We put those beer mugs to good use! In fact, to celebrate Hamlet's decision to stay in Denmark, we finished the party off by blasting cannons whenever we drank a toast. Everybody had a great time. Well, maybe not Junior, but everyone else did.

Speaking of exploding cannons, I'm not sure whether you're aware that your nephew Fortinbras has been marching an army across my kingdom and rattling on that we need to surrender the lands that you and your brother assigned to us in the Copenhagen Accords. I know that Fortinbras is kind of a hothead, but that treaty was signed, sealed and delivered with the full force of law. Cool him off, would you please? We don't want to go to another war over something that was settled to everyone's benefit ages ago, and we really can't have him threatening our territory.

And with that, I'll sign off for now. All best wishes for your improved health. I know you Norwegians have the best health care going on - they'll tend to you brilliantly.

With Gracious Goodwill,
Claudius the Dane

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